On June 18th our lives took quite a turn. You prepare for the birth of your first child but you can only prepare so much. Then, literally overnight, your life changes completely and will never be the same. And I love it! Callianne was an answer to prayer and a miracle from God.
A battle we didn’t expect
I remember when we first got the news. We were in California at a leadership conference that would be followed by a great vacation in the mountains of Yosemite. Our very first day before we left the hotel for the conference we got that call. My wife’s tears were felt and we suddenly realized that our “plan” to one day have kids may not ever happen. But we were hopeful. Infertility is something you think will never happen to you. We were both astonished to learn how frequently it happens. And, it was happening to us. But again, we were hopeful. There’s treatments and options we were told. So we waited till after vacation to begin.
After vacation we both went to that doctor and found out what the issue was. Apparently quite common yet nobody ever talks about it… Unfortunately there’s a shame culture built around not being able to conceive a child the “normal” way. And others who haven’t experienced infertility try and speak into it and say “it’s ok.” It’s not. So we began the treatments. The doctor also radically changed our diet in hopes it would help us.
I think the hardest part for me as Sara’s husband was how each round we went into that doctors office praying for the news to be different this time. Then I would watch as the ultrasound would show nothing. Not only were my hopes dashed but I watched my wife feel as though she had failed. We kept hearing, “it didn’t work.” So we would try again. I didn’t realize the stress these kinds of treatments would put my wife’s body through… Unless you’ve experienced it, you don’t understand. Those closest to us would try and comfort us, but the feelings were there and weren’t going anywhere.
We need a break
After we exhausted the first option they gave us, we needed a break. My wife from the strain the drugs took on her body and my mental strain to watch it not work each time. There were other options but they said the more we do the less likely it would happen… Lucky for us, we had an amazing trip to Cancun coming up and opted to not start any other form of treatment until the New Year. We had enough of them saying “it didn’t work.” So we took to Cancun and had a BLAST!
Then the strangest thing happened… The second the last day there Sara started getting sick. We figured it was all the food we were eating because there was no limit in an all-inclusive resort. Freaking amazing by the way, if you ever get a chance to do something like that. After we got back, much to our dismay, Sara kept feeling sicker and sicker. I was leaving for church that Sunday and told her just to take another pregnancy test just to “rule out all options.” Maybe she got food poisoning? We needed to rule everything out.
Then I got the call… On my way to church… “Um, babe, I’m pregnant!” I dang near drove into the ditch! The first words were “Are you sure?” I was just saying to take a pregnancy test just to rule it out… I didn’t expect it to be positive. So, after 4 more tests (we wanted to be thorough) we scheduled the doctor visit to be absolutely sure.
A different appointment
This appointment was different. For the first time I had more hope than before. I still had many doubts but who can blame us? Right?! Then they said it, “Yep, your pregnant. 6 weeks along!”
SAY WHAT?! I have to admit I was a little upset it didn’t happen in Cancun because there’s some funny baby outfits that say “made in Mexico.” But I still told everyone it happened in Cancun… haha!
People kept asking what I wanted the gender to be. My heart said a baby girl but I didn’t care because it was a miracle it worked and they didn’t even catch it until Sara got sick. But the day I found out the baby was a girl, my heart immediately melted. A baby girl! I’m now a girl dad??? Awesome! We already had the name Callianne Sue Davis from even before we were married so we went with that.
Those 9 months were incredible. And my wife even more so. Most women I’ve met complain about being pregnant. Through every uncomfortable stage, this woman was overjoyed! She kept saying “it wasn’t going to happen but it did.” So she pressed on and took in every stage. While we are so excited to meet our baby girl, nothing prepared us for the actual day…
I was going to blog on this no matter what! But, I chose to be more transparent about the journey. So many couples go through this infertility and feel so alone. YOU’RE NOT ALONE. And the treatments don’t work for everyone. For us, I’m so glad it did. But not every story is a success story. I’m just so overjoyed I get to hold this baby girl who’s been prayed over for so long. Thank you Jesus!
So what now? Well, since this is #1 for us I have no idea. But I do know I’m going to let God lead. I’m finding that every single person offers unsolicited advice. Some how their relationship struggled when a child came. Some how they were so unprepared. Others, they offer advice on best practices. It gets noisy in a hurry.
Sara and I have a unique team mentality. Before we ever met we prayed for a spouse who would be a team. We work hard at being a team. Callianne’s not adding stress that will cause us to be at each other’s throats. Rather, she’s giving the opportunity to be an even better team. I guess that’s what I want other couples to see. Use each stage of your relationship as an opportunity to grow as a team rather than get what you want.
I have close people in my life who chase and chase the feelings of a relationship. They want to feel validated. They’ll even throw their beliefs and values out the window the second someone tells them what they want to hear. This makes me sad. And I want Callianne to know her worth and to NEVER compromise her character.
So what now? Well, just taking one day at a time. We are asked “how are you adjusting?” It’s almost daily. I know it’s a well meaning sentiment but we are adjusting the same as anyone who’s had their world turned upside down. Each day is awesome to see this little girl. And, if we’re being honest, each day is filled with some moments that suck (pardon the word choice). But it’s an amazing journey, I’ve got my teammate, and we are just trying to point our family towards Jesus every day.
If I had one thing to teach Callie, it would be this: always do what love requires. In fact, I want to teach her the Bible that way. Not how I was taught it but with the main command of Jesus as the first thing. Everything else comes after that.
Thanks for reading this. And thanks for letting me share our story. It’s a long one that’s nowhere close to being over. I’m still amazed at my wife’s strength and ability to endure 9 months of discomfort and over 4 hours of pushing followed by a pretty intense c-section. I’ll never again complain about any workout LOL! I’m looking forward to blooming where I am in this stage of life. And teaching this little one about the God who knows her name!