Wounding Messages, you are NOT the boss of me!

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

I have a running blog series called, “Not the boss of me.” You see, there’s too many things in life that are just flat out lies that we allow to be the boss of us. We allow these lies to become our boss and we actually move through life listening to them as though they run our lives.

Today I want to knock down a “false boss” that gets many of us. Wounding Messages, all of us have them. These are the messages spoken to us as children and even as teens and adults that deeply wounded us and left scars. They sound like this: “you don’t have what it takes”, “You’ll never be anybody”, “Your needs don’t matter”, “You’re ugly”, “You deserve to be treated poorly.”

Did you hear your wounding message? If not, you probably know exactly what it is. When coaching people using the Enneagram we always cover childhood messages. More often than not, their childhood messages are laced with pain and lies that were told of them and/or over them. So, how do we move through those messages?

We are not our wounding message.

This is pivotal to understand right up front. Our identity is NOT shaped by our wounding message. Sometimes we think it is and sometimes we even use it as an excuse. I know it’s hard, but that lie you have been listening to is a lie! It’s not your identity. The hard work of life coaching is helping people move through the lies of their wounding message to uncover the truth of who they actually are.

Circle of Influence.

Truth is you can’t control your childhood or those wounding messages any longer. They are over and done with and outside of your circle of influence. Tell you what you can control is the now. You can also choose what you do with those wounding messages. You can either let those messages define you or you can use them to propel you towards life change.

A great way to move forward from those lies is to focus on your circle of influence. To focus on becoming more self-aware so that you can identify when you are allowing those messages to dictate your actions. What I’ve noticed in my own life and those I coach is that the more self-aware they become the more often they can identify these lies when they are dictating their actions.

My challenge to you is to focus on what you can control. Don’t allow those wounds to define your future. It’s a sad day when people die to the lies instead of resurrect in the truth! You are not what your boss says about you, what your parents pressured you in to, what that ex told everyone about you.

Not the boss!

So we say again as with all of these posts:

Dear wounding messages, you are NOT the boss of me!

(Insert your name here!)

Know that I am for you and cheering you on. So are a host of others who are now living free from the lie that their wounding messages told them for years.


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