Welcome to another blog post. Today’s is a very special post as I have my very first guest who will be writing the content for today. I have asked my wife, Sara, to write a guest post from her perspective. She’s a Six on the Enneagram, The Loyalist and she’s going to share some amazing content with us today.
A little bit about my wife. She’s the bravest person I know and I’m not just saying that because she ready my blog and I want brownie points. She truly is brave and stares fear in the face every day. She also helps others stare down their fears and overcome obstacles that hinder their growth. She works with kids in grade school to help them cope with negative emotions and overcome obstacles they face in the classroom at school to home with the family. It’s incredible and you will benefit greatly from her words that follow. So, here’s my wife’s post… Enjoy!
From: Sara Davis
One common misconception is that sixes are balls of anxiety, while anxiety is common for sixes, healthy sixes can identify anxieties and begin to find freedom to move to a healthy state of mind. In this post, you will find some of the tools I have used to find freedom from my fears to allow myself to live courageously.
In order to start helping yourself grow to a healthy state of mind, you need to start by figuring out what does “not” help you. Start this by identifying your triggers. The best way to do this is to go through your normal daily routine for a couple of days and do self check-ins periodically throughout your day. These check-ins need to be focused on how your body feels internally, (is my heart rate normal / does my stomach feel normal?), where your thoughts are (am I engaged in the activity I am doing / are my thoughts positive?), and how am I interacting with others (am I being short or temperamental?). Once you do this for a few days, you will be able to identify when your body fluctuates when you are experiencing anxieties. For me, I noticed on days I read through the news, my anxiety was through the roof the remainder of the day because I was putting myself in those news stories and spiraling into worse-case scenario thinking. Because I was busy putting myself in those stories, I was present with people physically, but not mentally.
Once you have identified your triggers, you can move on to using skills that can help return your mind to a healthy state. However, if your triggers are things that can be avoided, like reading the news, by all means STOP READING THE NEWS, but if they can’t be avoided, try this:
One common phrase that sixes are familiar with is “what if..”, I know, you’re reading this thinking please I don’t need any help coming up with what if statements, but hang with me here. Sixes can find victory over negative worse-case scenario thinking by changing their negative what if statements to positive what if statements. For example, if you’re worried about rain ruining your planned, paid for, non-refundable beach vacation, ask yourself: “What if it doesn’t rain?” Then continue by playing out the best case scenarios from that statement: “If it doesn’t rain, I can get my level 10 tan naturally, I could go fishing, I could try ALL the waterfront restaurants, and etc.” Try this exercise a few times and you just might find yourself dreaming of all the awesome possibilities of a best case scenario.
I Know Statements…
Another helpful tool to keep in mind is writing out “I know” statements. The purpose of these statements is to reassure you of the positive truths you know about something you’re anxious about. For example, if you’re scared to stay at your house by yourself while your spouse is traveling, write some “I know” statements about the safety of your home. Some of these example “I know” statements could be: “I know my window/door are locked, I know my dog would bark if he heard something, I know my phone is by my bed if I need to call for help, I know the police would be here is minutes if not seconds if I need to call for help.” Try this exercise out with any anxieties you’re faced with to help guide your mind into finding truth in any situation.
One last nugget before you go…
Another extremely important nugget of advice I have for my fellow Sixes is to find someone you can share your fears and worse case scenarios with that will lovingly and gently tell you that you have lost your mind, again. But most importantly reassure you that you are safe and secure from your thoughts AND they will be by your side even if the worst case scenario happened. If you are that person for a Six, your loyalty and reassurance is what gives them the courage to continue to live their best life in a world that seems pretty scary. If it weren’t for my husband being that person for me, I would be pretty pale (because I would never leave the house).
I hope this gives my fellow Sixes the tools they need to move to a healthy state of mind and taught someone who loves a Six things they can do to best support the mind and wellbeing of their Six. After all, we are the most common type on the Enneagram. And, if you just struggle with anxiety in general, this information could prove very useful for you!